I’m not an eternally optimistic person – unfortunately there’s some negative thinking patterns that I’m still trying to change, and it’s a process. This makes the situation I’m in at the moment a little more frustrating and difficult. I cannot tell you how many times in the past few days alone I’ve simply closed my eyes, turned my head skywards and asked, “Why God?”
I think things may be a teeeeeny weeeeeny bit easier if we had a glimpse of how things were going to work out, don’t you think? Imagine being able to select 3 areas of your life that you want assurance in – and being given that assurance – opening your email and receiving 3 timelines detailing how those areas will pan out and what you need to do in the meantime.What areas would you choose to know more about?
I’m becoming increasingly agitated and frustrated. I’ve sent my CV out to more than 40 institutions and have had no positive comebacks. I know I’m a hard worker, I know I’d be an asset to any company – but that has no bearing in anything right now. Part of the problem is also that I’ve always been an overachiever – certain things have come easy to me – but now reality’s dealing me a hard blow and I’m having to learn things I’ve not learned yet. I’m learning about patience; trust; belief; friendship; steadfastness…and that the world operates in a totally different manner to what it should.
Coupled with this is the frustration of dealing with legal departments that simply don’t want to help you. It’s like asking whether this is an apple or a pear and being told, “yes”. Yes what?! (And it always turns out to be a banana in the end…).