Fear and comfort

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There are days that I surprise myself and there are days that I annoy myself. Today was the latter. If I could’ve turned my back on myself and slammed the door, then I would’ve done that today.

I just don’t know why I let fear get in the way of opportunity. I guess it’s because there’s so much that’s unknown to me – I’ve never taken big risks, and things have pretty much always been planned – there’s always been a safety net. And now – at the age of almost 27 (give or take 8 days) I’m taking one of the most important steps in my life – a step that may just set the course for the many years that lie ahead of me. And of course that’s scary, right? Especially when there’s so much risk attached.

I mentioned to a friend the other day how it’s so typical of me to end up falling in love with someone who lives in a country that literally makes it impossible for outsiders to get in – in fact, they enjoy the fact that they make it so difficult. But anyway, the point is – many pathes I’ve taken have had their fair share of ups and downs, so being in a relationship that’s difficult due to distance shouldn’t surprise me. But (in the famous words of GH), it does sucketh. Sometimes I just wish things were a little easier in certain cirumstances – if I had a choice, I’d choose for them to be a little easier in this situation, for sure. I mean, who wouldn’t?! Having to deal with not being able to be in the same physical space as the man I love is torture most of the time – and one shouldn’t have to walk around trying to occupy your time just so that you’re not reminded of the fact that you can’t be with the person you so desperately want to be with.

Is it obvious that today’s been a little ‘grey’? Sorry! Let me just dig myself out of this hole…

God has a plan – us humans hate it, because we can’t see what it is. It’s not like we can view the plan, discuss it with Him and say, “Well look here Big G, if you change this, and this…oh and this…then it’s cool, I’ll take part. Until then, I’ll be chilling in the Bahamas. Give me a shout when you’ve made the changes to my plan and we can chat some more.” Nope – He has it all worked out and we’re not able to see the bigger picture. But we should teach ourselves to find comfort in the fact that He has a plan. And that no matter what happens along the way, He’s not going to leave us and He won’t let us fall.

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3 responses »

  1. I first met my husband whilst I was living in Scotland. We decided to settle in America (my home) after we got married and I went ahead of him to get a job, a home, and all of the other things the immigration folks wanted me to do. It was so hard to be apart from him, but it was so worth it in the long run. It hurts like heck to be separated from our loved ones–but I’m sure you’ll forget all the pain once you are with him!

    As for the plans God has, I sure wish we COULD talk to Him about them. I still haven’t figured out what silly things were going through His mind when He took my husband to live with Him WAY too early. But, I am convinced that God is planning bigger things for me still. And I’m sure He has great plans for you, too! (That include getting your booty to Berlin, I’m sure!)

    • Perhaps if we ask nicely, He could arrange for ‘sneak peeks’? 🙂

      Anything to do with immigration really sucks – but once you’re through it, it really is worth it, as you say. I cannot begin to comprehend how you must have felt when He threw you that curve ball – but you’re right – there are bigger things ahead for you still and I truly believe that one day we’ll all be able to look back and say, “Ooooooooh, that’s why!!!!!!”

      😀

      • You are right – HE will never make us fall and remember, HE is ahead of us, preparing our paths forward…love you xxx

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