Dealing with depression is a process – I honestly don’t believe it’s something you can just ‘snap out of’ – and this isn’t me not believing that God can bring complete healing – within the blink of an eye – but rather, I think the human mind is something that’s quite powerful and all too often we give in to it…I give in to it. Blah blah fishpaste…I struggled with depression for a few years…but only last year started really coming out of it – because I decided that I didn’t want to live life as I had been – sad, etc. So I made a concerted effort to change – and I enlisted the help of God (who had, by the way, been there the entire time, waiting for me to just give things over to Him…stubborn, silly me!). But I really have improved and I believe that the people who really know me would agree. Anyway – this isn’t a post about depression and how I deal…or don’t deal….with it. This is a post that serves to trick my mind into thinking about some things that make me happy instead of focusing on the things that make me a little less happy. So…here we go…
– God makes me happy. To be a child of the most awesome-est-estesssst God is just so wonderful. I still haven’t fully grasped the truth about not feeling lonely if you have God with you, but I’m getting there. And what I do know and do feel is that He’s just so awesome and His hand is always stretched out to mine. Always. It’s me who pulls my hand away 😦 (I hate that I don’t let that truth guide me more often).
– My earthly father’s laugh and sense of humour makes me happy – he’s a big man with a very little heart – but I’ve seen such strength in him these past few months that I never knew, or acknowledged, existed. It reminds me of one Sunday afternoon when he took me out for an ice-cream. I was a ‘pre-teen’ and my heart had been broken by some boy. So my father took me out, had a father to daughter chat and made me feel better. I love his love for me and the way it feels when he holds me in his strong arms and tells me everything is going to be ok.
– My mother makes me happy. She’s the strongest woman I know. She’s been through many, many things and she’s remained strong. Even when she’s been weak, she’s remained strong – an oxymoron of note, I know, but it’s true and it makes sense to me. She’s stood by me through everything and guided me with such patience and understanding…and love. I often just cannot fathom the depth of her love for me – perhaps when I’m a mother one day, I’ll understand. I’m the luckiest child alive to have my mother in my life.
– My sister makes me happy. Not many people will understand the special realtionship I have with my sister – or how special she is. She’s one of the lights in my life – I wouldn’t change a thing about her – she’s priceless and perfect just the way she is. She has a very special place in my heart and I hope to be able to care for her well enough one day and fill her life with nothing but love, laughter and happiness – that’s what I want for her. Seeing her upset or crying tears my heart apart – I want to be able to create a life for her where there are no tears.
– My maternal grandmother and my aunt make me happy. I mention the two here together because they’re like to peas in a pod 🙂 My grandmother in particular has always just loved me – always been positive – always cared. She too hasn’t had things easy -but she’s so strong! I don’t have a pic of these two…perhaps soon I’ll get one!
– My paternal grandmother makes me happy. I didn’t get to know her as well as I would have liked – she died when I was at an awkward stage in my life – a little young and far too concerned with my own life. I loved her though, and I have only fond memories of her 🙂 I had a different relationship with her, compared to my relationship with my maternal grandmother – but it was still special.
– (A rather obvious happy point…) GH makes me happy. I could go on and on about why he makes me happy – but suffice it to say, he’s an answer to many, many prayers – most of which were uttered between tears. As much as what he’s lucky to have someone like me in his life, I’m damn lucky to have someone like him in my life. In the short time we’ve been together, he’s challenged me – and although it’s not always been easy – it’s helped me learn a lot about myself.
– My friends make me happy. The last two years have brought some really tough things my way – but those two years also brought the most wonferful friends my way. I learned what it’s like to be loved by people who aren’t your family by blood, but rather, are your family by love. In the past two years I’ve tripped and fallen face first into the mud many times – and each time, my friends have pulled me out and helped to clean me up. It makes me happy to know that God has put special people in my life. (I’d include pics of my friends here, but I’d need their permission…and they’d have to send me some pics!)
** End of Part I**