I have a terrible cough I just cannot seem to shake – but, something a little more dangerous that I can’t shake at the moment is my mental block; my ‘oh-so-negative’ view of almost everything.
Today I’m seeing someone about a possible job opportunity and then comes the big step – the job is basically mine – but it’s getting past the German Government that’s going to be the ‘big thing’. How annoying is that – it takes some Government officials to determine the course of someone’s life path, argh! Ah but you see – that’s probably my wrong thinking right there – it’s got nothing to do with the Government – whether German, Italian, American or South African! They don’t determine the course of my life path, surely? The course of my life path is determined solely by God (and of course, by the decisions I make along the way). So what….what…WHAT…then am I fearing and why do I move through life with such trepidation? Oh it’s a terrible thing this ‘trepidation’. I’m sure that if I examined my life up until this point, I’d be able to identify many things I lost out on just because I was far too trepidatious.
It’s a little different to being cautious. Caution is often a good idea – caution, I feel, is sometimes a Godly kind of wisdom – though in the same breathe it’s necessary to say that there are times when you simply have to ‘throw caution to the wind’.
I’ve said a prayer this morning, earnestly asking God for his blessing over this job situation – it’s the only key to being allowed to start the next phase of my life, in Germany. And then I earnestly asked God too for rest from…from myself! It’s not nice to be the type of person who worries about everything, doubts everything, fears everything – it’s darn tiring!