Oopsie

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Last night I had what I refer to as an “oopsie”

{oopsie

  1. Diminutive form of oops; Alternative spelling of oopsy.

Oops

A presumably ‘natural’ exclamation, only attested since 1933, possibly altered to (or from) whoops}

Ok, you get what I mean? Can I move on? Right, moving on.

I was part of an awesome gathering of people from my church and my pastor spoke about numerous things along the theme of Stop surviving, start living. The message was great and hit home in a bigger way than I’d expected, but when I walked home, I realised how bitter-sweet the entire situation is. I’m getting increasingly excited about being part of this church, about ‘plugging in’, about meeting new people, about attending events such as the Hillsong Conference in July or the Colour Conference next year…but then a teeny-weeny little voice starts out as a whisper in my head and soon turns into a shout – and I’m reminded that my mission to get a Work Visa isn’t over yet – I don’t have the stamp of approval from the German government. And that’s the point at which my spirit plummets to well below zero.

Unfortunately, as well, Mani’s the one who has to bear witness, over and over again, to sullen Carmen; to “ye of little faith” Carmen; and it creates a considerable strain on us. It pushes me to the point of not wanting to tell him the whole situation upsets me, and wanting to hide how I really feel; and it just makes him feel burdened – which is the last thing I want for him.

*sigh* I knew this whole process would be difficult – well, at least, I knew in my head it would be difficult – but now I feel it in my heart, and some days I lack the energy to deal with it to the point of wanting to lay down in the foetal position and never get up.

What utter nonsense – surely I’m stronger than this!

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6 responses »

  1. To my experience, a burden shared is a burden halved. When you share each others burdens and troubles your love only grows stronger. Keeping stuff from your partner is the sure way to break your love. Half truths are after all half lies. And these “halves” give other stuff a gap to
    to get in between you two.

  2. If you weren’t strong you wouldn’t have made it there in the first place!
    But i do understand what you’re saying – i also know there are some things i shouldn’t complain about, because it does burden my partner, but in actual fact aren’t we suppose to give them both the good and sometimes bad, insecure, cry-baby side.
    I figure – if they want to be defined as the men in our lives, they can handle us, on the good and on the bad days 🙂 chin up carm!

    • You are strong! And stronger because God walks with you! The Devil is having a “lekker” old time because he is right up there, making you doubt everything that you have achieved (and sacrificed) thus far! And I understand that you don’t want to burden Mani with any negativity, but like your friend said – love means you share both the good and the bad….so try him and tell him – you would be surprised..Hang in there and pray, pray, pray and GIVE OVER!

    • Ag jinne, dankie Dolla 🙂 Jy’s reg 🙂 En luister, hulle kan ook cry babies wees. Hehehehe.

      Thanks for your constant encouragement – it’s helped me! 🙂 xxxx

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