I had a plan for how things were going to happen this morning. I was going to wake up, place the last of my things in my suitcase, hug Mani as many times as I could and then board a plane headed to South Africa without crying.
None of my plan actually worked out. I was too busy with the last-minute things to remember to hug Mani as much as possible – but also, I knew that if I hugged him too much, the tears would start. Which is silly, because they started early in the morning…and still haven’t stopped. I sat, in the middle of Starbucks, trying to enjoy my Chocolate Mocha coffee, but my lip was quivering too much and a few times I nearly choked on my Chocolate Mocha coffee mixed tears.
It never gets easier…saying good bye….it just never gets easier. Each time it feels as if my heart’s being ripped out of my chest – looking at him, not wanting to turn the corner because I know that if I do, I won’t see his handsome face for a long time again.
Anyway – I’m sitting in Doha airport, waiting for my flight back to Cape Town – I’ll be boarding in 11 hours from now….yes, that’s right…11 hours. And all this time waiting just gives me a lot of time to think – think about the journey that I’m on and the steps I’ve taken thus far. I’ve been stretched beyond what I’m used to, but I’m believing that it’s all for my good in the long run. I’m going to be a better person after all of this – that’s for sure.
But in the meantime, I miss Mani, I miss the people I met in Berlin…I just miss everything I had there – everything that I wanted to claim for myself. And I’m reminded about what Mani said to me a few nights ago, when I was packing my things and trying to hide my tears, “It’s just not right that people are kept apart”. And that’s the truth of it – it really is just not right – especially when it’s something as silly as bureaucracy that keeps people separated. But I will roundhouse kick bureaucracy in his face when he least expects it, so just watch this space!