Just another Cowboy stand-off

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I recently hit a huge speed-wobble that sent me tumbling down a self-imposed mountain. Yes, this sentence is a little wordy, but really, it’s the best way I can describe what’s happened.

I’ve always known I have the tendancy to be rather stressed out or nervous…or anxious, but I was only really confronted with the full force of this part of my personality in the last two months. And one thing’s for sure – it’s scary!

It seems that lately I perceive the simplest of things to be a huuuuge obstacle – something to run away from or try to avoid. Something small can set my anxiety off to the point of tears – and I don’t mean little miniature monkey tears…no, I mean huge crocodile tears – the type that makes your entire body convulse. And not only tears – ooooh no – but also a racing heart and dry mouth. There are days when I walk around with that feeling in my chest that you normally get when you’re about to write a major exam…know that feeling? Yeah, now imagine walking around with it for an entire day. Nice? Nope!

But I’m having to deal with this new monster in my life – Mr Anxiety. Instead of letting him freak me out (is it possible to be more freaked out than what I am these days?! 🙂 ), I have to face him head on…you know….cowboy style – stand up straight, shoulders in the correct position, head held high, eyes glaring at him, ready to draw my gun. This stand-off isn’t pleasant, that’s for sure – but I’m hoping it leads to a day where I can stand over Mr Anxiety, as he’s laying on the dusty ground, and shake my head with pity…staring at him until he breathes his last breath.

It just sucks though, that I have to go through this – sometimes it makes me feel like somewhat of an incomplete Carmen. But then I just have to remind myself that everyone has a monster – mine may be Mr Anxiety – but for others it could be something totally different. And who’s to say I’m experiencing the worst kind of monster?

Anyway – what makes it easier isn’t only my resolve to make this monster fall, but also, I have a great support system. Were it not for the angels in my life, I think my outlook would be veeeeery different…

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2 responses »

  1. Thanks 🙂 Yeah, it takes a different kind of thinking to realise that anxiety is separate from who you are. The default is to believe that it’s totally part of you. But rather, though it’s happening TO you, it’s now who YOU are 🙂

  2. I like that you personify your anxiety (Mr. Anxiety) so it is very clear that anxiety is separate from who you are….. as you say, it is just someone visiting for a while. I look forward to following your journey.

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