The going under and the Rising up

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A few (important) things have happened over the past week. I guess I should’ve blogged about them immediately, but I resisted the urge. Not because I didn’t want to blog about them, but rather, I wasn’t too sure what to say.

Last Monday I woke up with a heavy feeling leaning on my heart. I lay in bed, thinking, “I just can’t go through another week like this. Waiting, crying…waiting.” It was difficult to will myself to place my feet on the ground and get out of bed. I just felt there wasn’t much to look forward to.  Physically I felt tired – as if any energy I’d had up to that point had now completely vanished. Emotionally, physically and spiritually I felt depleted.

I walked downstairs and sat infront of my computer. “Why?” I thought. “What is going on…what is it that’s really happening?”. I didn’t want to be alone and decided to call my mom once I’d got dressed to tell her I’d come through for the day – just to be around someone…to avoid being alone with my thoughts. Whilst in the shower, I heard my phone ring. When I checked, it was a missed call from my mom. When she called back, she said, “Your certificate is ready, you can go collect it at Home Affairs.” I cried like a baby – I couldn’t speak, and totally broke down. This time, however, the tears were tears of joy and relief. After the call, I found myself on my knees thanking God. And then He said something simple, but profound, to me: “Now will you trust Me?”

So I collected my certificate from Home Affairs last Monday and my father and I went to the Cape Town High Court to have an Apostille seal applied to it. My spirits had lifted – the weight of so many worries had been removed from my shoulders. I was able to smile again and mean it! Then, on Friday, I had an appointment to see the German Consulate in Cape Town – and I handed in my application for a Reunification Visa. My spirits were high and I felt good – now I’m one final step closer to being reunited with my husband!

It’s bitter-sweet, because more and more I realise that there’s so much I will miss here in Cape Town. And it may sound odd to some, but God’s prepared this time for me to Rest and to Enjoy. It’s not easy – in true OCD-style I still have nagging worries and thoughts in my head about what bad things could possibly be waiting around the corner, but then I think to what Pastor Phil Dooley said yesterday…when you become a Christian, life doesn’t miraculously become easier. Instead, you as a Christian decide that you’ll meet the bad news with an attitude of an overcomer who has the most powerful Father at your side.

This message was quite significant because yesterday I was baptized. I don’t think the full impact of the baptism has hit me yet, but it has stirred something in my heart. I stood before quite a few people and explained how I didn’t think I’d make it through the past few months. But in the end, I did, and although I’m still completely imperfect, it was time for me to be obedient to the One who’s been there every step of the way.

I’m still silly – I still get tossed about by change and circumstances – but what’s happening now in my life really must be something big and it’s not even started yet – this really just is the beginning!

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3 responses »

  1. *HUGS* i’m soooooo happy for you! AND WE, your friends, knew all along ALL would work out for you! keep the faith 🙂

    You know my situation, and i’ve also gone through ups and downs. I’ve been in a two way street trying to decide WHAT i’m suppose to do. Always i’ve been worrying about all that could go wrong, but i never actually thought of the things that could go right, and what that would mean.
    So, i’ve made a decision to believe, trust, and DO IT! 🙂 To try and shove the worries to the side, give it my best shot, and see what happens!

    Your post has given me inspiration ! Again, i’m reminded that the path we’re traveling does have twists and turns, but that in the end we WILL reach the right destination if it’s meant to be!
    Everything turns out as it should!

    I have some quotes which always helps when i forget to focus on the positive:

    “Those who dare to fail miserably can achieve greatly”

    “All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them”

    “Believe in what you know you can do. Trust your gut. Ignore the naysayers. Dream big! Hope for more! Sprint towards what you want”

    • Awww Deeeeee! Dis waar!

      I’m glad the post can be some sort of inspiration for you. And thank you for being one of those people who believed in the light at the end of my tunnel 😉

      You know – life will never be plain-sailing – that’s just how it is. Today and in the years to come we will have decisions to make, both big and small. And there will be things that will threaten to completely disloge us and our faith, but the real victory is in standing firm and knowing that no matter what, He’s always beside us, even in what we think is the darkest times. Our human insight is actually not very insightful at all, lol – we can’t see everything, so we need to chill and not try to figure it all out all the time. It’s sometimes ok to sit back, after you’ve done all you can and should so, and rest…just being expectant of the answer from Him 🙂

      xxxxx

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