I think sometimes life just runs ahead of you. And you’re pretty much left trying to run after and perhaps catch the tail-end of it.
If anyone ever told you that moving to another country whilst trying to adjust to being a married women, and still planning your wedding is easy (yes, the order may seem odd, but that’s how it is for me)…then that person lied to your face.
Life doesn’t stop to give you a break just because you’re ‘going through some things’. Sometimes, I wish it did. And people don’t stop demanding things from you just because you’re ‘going through some things’ either. I sometimes wish they did.
Those closest to me are all stressed at the moment. That makes it really hard to support and encourage one another. Instead, demands just increase, but the ability to comfort and soothe decreases. And you’re left not wanting to talk to anyone, but rather, retreat and try to sort things out yourself.
Last night I lay on my bed in the dark thinking…if only I were a little girl again. Not worried about anything. Not expected to do anything, or be anything. Without the pressure to perform lumped squarely on her shoulders. Just a kid, making a playdate with a friend in the park, or getting into trouble because she stayed out playing in the road past dark.