Monthly Archives: August 2012

10 days and counting

Standard

There are about 10 days left until my wedding – the official one. And I would say the term ‘freaking out’ doesn’t describe my state well enough. Though, to give myself a little bit of credit, I seem to be a little calmer these days than I was about a year ago, when life just changed completely.

I must admit though – I am starting to get excited, but the excitement is still completely outweighed by nerves. And the whole process has been one complication after another – all I can say is that when it comes to having to deal with people, things always seem to get complicated. Add financial strain and general ‘I’ve-moved-to-another-country-and-don’t-feel-I-fit-in’ stress to that, and you have a recipe for disaster. Oh and don’t forget to add the ‘I-miss-my-family-and-friends-so-much’ feelings too – those are the cherry on the top that just make you lose your footing every now and then (more now than then). Then there’s the issue of faith and trying to remind yourself and believe that God is in control (because He has promised that He is), and feeling like you’re losing your belief and grounding just because everything…literally everything…is just completely out of control. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like this is all one big disaster, but it sure has been one heck of a roller-coaster ride, and I’m still feeling a little dizzy.

So on Tuesday I fly out to South Africa and there is one thing I am looking forward to the most (and as I type this, I just can’t help but cry): hugging my dad, mom and sister. You know, as a kid…when life just gets a little too much, it’s always so reassuring to be able to run to your mom or dad and just  feel their arms around you…reminding you that everything really is going to be ok. But these days I have to put my big girl panties on and face the world by myself: make my own decisions (though often I can’t help but email my mom to ask for her advice), make my own mistakes (oh I hate those), somehow make my own way, try to use my own brain and figure out my own answers…

And somehow God has remained faithful in the big and small things. I’ve cried out to Him often over the past year and He’s answered me all the time – though sometimes I wish He’d used my sense of timing and not His. So, if it’s like maths, then 1 + 1 = 2, which means, if He’s kept me going and answered me before, He’ll do it again…

And again…

And again….and again….

Advertisements