Tag Archives: Fear

Building Rome


I’ve had a lot of trepidation and fear in my heart lately and it’s caused more trouble than good. In fact, it’s pushed me down into an abyss that I wouldn’t want anyone else to be pushed into. But slowly, I can feel light and excitement returning – it’s a slow process, sure, but it’s a process nonetheless – and in life, certain (good) things take time.

There’s the (old, over-used) saying that Rome wasn’t built in a day – and although this saying is rather annoying at times…so annoying it makes you want to slap the person who uses it…it is true. I’ve been lucky enough to see Rome myself, and it’s beautiful! I’m glad those who built it took the time to craft it properly – paying close attention to every stone, every pathway…all the details.

Fear is not my friend and to be honest, he’s not really welcome here – but he is visiting for a while. And it seems he’s brought his good friend anxiety along for the holiday. The combination of these two is quite a force to be reckoned with, but what they don’t realise is that I have a greater force on my side.

Isaiah 41:10:

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Being pushed into this current abyss has forced me to take stock of things in my life; it’s forced me to reassess things, to think about things I never thought about before. It’s often like this in life – when we hit an unexpected speed bump, we find that our ears and eyes are far more sensitive: we seem to be more affected by things we hear or see and we have the urge to delve deeper and find out more.

As far as I can tell, it’s just all part of the process of taking redefining steps (which can be quite scary!).


Paper notes


It’s been a topsey turvey weekend – my emotions have gone from sky high to rock bottom. Why? I don’t know – it’s probably a combination of a lot of things – but I think it’s mostly my (silly) fear of the future and the unknown; and I’ve been putting so much pressure on myself in certain regards that I think I’m buckling a little. I need to practice wisdom in this situation – and honestly give things over – just let it go. But I cling on for some reason – I’m not too sure why. Perhaps because that’s all I’m used to: constantly trying to be in control and have things in my hands, moulding it the way I know best to. No-one said going through the process of learning new life lessons was easy.

I missed GH yesterday and I couldn’t wait to talk to him – when I eventually did, I was already so emotionally exhausted from the day that I didn’t make for entertaining conversation – I even got bored and annoyed with myself. He tried to make me laugh, and he succeeded, but there were moments that I couldn’t even muster up the energy to laugh – though inside I was giggling 🙂

My day started pretty early yesterday – I attended Hillsong’s 11:15am service and then headed to my parents’ house. I discussed my financial situation with them – obviously going overseas and taking this big step has meant I’ve had to make some tough decisions that lead to a few financial setbacks – but ultimately, I’ll be ok. It’s still a concern though – not having the financial security I’ve become accustomed to for the past 6 years.

Then, whilst digging around in some documents, I found R250 stuffed in a little book that I never use…I just happened to open it. Score! It’s always a great feeling when you find cash at a moment that you least expect it, but really need it. But the blessings didn’t stop there. I got home from my parents’ place and decided to nap a bit…afterwards I stared at the washing for a while and then decided that it wasn’t going to hang itself…so I lugged it all outside and as I started to hang some items up, I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. And there it lay…R100, stuck in a random trellis I have in my back courtyard. The wind at the back is so strong that sometimes my washing doesn’t make it out alive…and here was this flimsy R100 paper note…strategically placed and ready for me to find. I picked it up and started crying a little because I knew it was another blessing and, honestly, a sign. Things are going to be ok.

Things are going to be ok.

Building bridges


I have this annoying ability to sometimes let things get me down, or to fret about things that I really shouldn’t be fretting about. I know that the source of this, most of the time, is fear – fear of the unknown, the known, the future, the past…everything, even fear of fear itself.

So what is fear then?

Here are some definitions:

– be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event;

– an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight);

– be uneasy or apprehensive about;

– Fear is an American punk band from Los Angeles, California.

At times I think it’s ok – because it forces me to take action – to plan ahead and avoid possible hurt or disappointment. But most of the time, it simply just takes away from me and adds nothing. In no way does it enrich my life, make it fuller, make it more abundant. Instead, it saps from me every last iota of energy I have, every last bit of hope and resilience.

At work the other day, someone stopped me in the kitchen and asked what’s wrong. I was a little surprised and queried why he was asking me this. “Because I can see something weighing down on you. It’s heavy; it’s pulling you down. You’re not smiling today.” So I told him that I was just a little concerned about a few things…there were a few things that I was fearing about the (unknown) future. His response has stuck with me – and it’s something I repeat to myself when I feel fear creep up on me:

“Why are you even going there…only cross those bridges when you get to them…if you get to them.”

I’ve been crossing bridges that don’t exist. I’ve been building them on non-existent foundations.

There’s a saying that we’ve probably all heard…”How do you eat an elephant…one bite at a time.” Learning to take life one step at a time isn’t easy. As humans we’re kind of forced into planning ahead – planning for those ‘in case’ situations. I’m not advocating throwing all caution to the wind and being totally irresponsible – but the key is to plan with wisdom – Godly wisdom.

One of the reminders I received this morning was the following:

Verse:            Philippians 4:6-7

Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done. If you do this, you will experience God’s peace!

– Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything.
– In every situation and circumstance, turn to God in prayer.
– Ask God for what you need, with a thankful heart.
– And His peace will guard your heart and mind.

PRAYER: Lord, as I face this new week with all its challenges and opportunities, I place my requests before You and I ask You to fill me with Your peace. Amen.

Stop building bridges that weren’t meant to exist.