A part of me is hesitant to write this new post, because what I’m going to write about may change in a few days’ time…or it may not. Let’s just move forward pretending it won’t change 🙂
It’s been a week to the day that I really started coming out of my self-imposed (and very confusing) desert. And let me tell you, it feels…well, ‘good’ doesn’t really do the feeling any justice…it feels amazing! It feels as if I’ve been given some release from a dead weight that was tied around my neck. At times, I really didn’t know if I’d pull through – remain strong enough to hold my head high, even in the moments when I seemed to be crumpling down to the floor in a shameful heap. But I’ve started to feel like myself again and this week has brought more laughs than tears – something I’ve missed!
But the experience
has taugh me is teaching me many things. I’m being forced to hold on to God and be completely reliant on Him – something I’ve never completely done before, because I always tried to maintain control. The experience is also teaching me a lot about myself – it’s teaching me that I’ve lived too long with a very wrong (and imprisoning) kind of thinking; I’m quick to react before I stop to think; I dream up situations and circumstances in my head that never really come to pass (and they’re generally more negative than positive)…
Those are just a few things I’m learning and the process isn’t over – there’s still a lot more I need to learn. But hopefully I’ve reached the oasis in the middle of my desert – and I can stop, kneel down and take a drink of refreshing water before resuming my journey.
Nothing will be in vain 🙂