Tag Archives: Relationships

My real-life rockstar

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A friend of mine pointed something out to me tonight: I’m living smack-bang in the middle of a dream girls normally have…I’m the wife of a real-life rockstar. I don’t think that ever occurred to me…perhaps because I’ve been so concerned with what that means for me – late nights without my husband at my side; dinners alone; Saturdays spent alone while he’s rehearsing…I’ve focussed completely on the unglamorous part of it all.

Tonight Mani has a gig and it completely infuriates me that I cannot be there (as his number one groupie!), cheering him on, watching his performance with starry eyes, feeling like the most important girl in the crowd of many. But what’s made it easy to get through not being there to share this with him, are the random sms’s I received tonight in which he reminded me that at some point, he’d sing a song for me 🙂 (Yes…romantic, I know!) Whilst many girls merely dream of having someone in their life who can write a song that’s all about them, I actually have that guy! And tonight, he’ll sing the song he wrote with me in mind:

 Long Distance

Verse 1:
Ten Thousand Miles from here
confusing mind that cannot rest

She’s got the strength to rise
The voices, in her head won’t stop

Her heart’s been dragged through the mud
Compassion fills the space inside

The world is between us
Love devours all of our shame

Our souls – groan – for
breakthrough – falling in dismay
It’s all – wrong – when
bureaucracy just takes her away

Verse 2:
3000 days apart
yet somehow we are of one heart

3000 lies will steal
a wounded soul takes time to heal

Chorus:
Long Distance, far apart
she’s left with a bleeding heart

Long distance, anxious mind
where truth is hard to find

Persistance in this trial
hold on for another while

Long distance, in this mess
When hope still carries rest

Bridge:
Oh she cries
When she’s alone
It’s just her and her weaknesses

Oh she’s crazy
My blue-eyed daisy
She will make it through

Verse 3
Her heart’s been dragged through the mud
Compassion fills the space inside

The world is between us
Love devours all of our shame

Our flame proclaims affections
haunting, it’s haunting me

Attachment, close affections and passion
haunting, haunting me.

Yip, indeed, I couldn’t have wished for a better partner in life…I guess I have to be someone’s crazy, blue-eyed daisy! 🙂

But it’s all about me…right?

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There’s something innately selfish about human beings. It’s a trait I’ve recently come to realize exists automatically and it’s something I don’t like very much – even though I fall victim to it quite often.

If this one factor were to be removed from our words, our actions, our decisions…I’m sure we’d find things to be so much easier – not that its removal is the solution to all our problems…no, not at all, but it sure would go a long way to making our stay on earth a little nicer! Selfishness seems to be the root of so many bad things – envy, jealousy, anger, annoyance, harsh words, harsh actions…to list just a few. I guess it’s ‘comfortable’ for us to function from a place of selfishness, where it’s all about ‘me and my situation…what I want’ – but it’s not really ideal I don’t think.

My challenge for myself this week (as if I really need another one?!), is to attempt to function outside of my selfishness – to pack it in a sealed box and place it on the shelf. (Will I succeed with my challenge…urm, I don’t know! We’ll see what the results are at the end of the week!)

– Risk –

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I was lucky enough to hear Pastor Paul Scanlon preach at Hillsong this past Sunday – he definitely has a way of stirring people in their seats as they listen intently to the message he delivers – a simple message really: basically, take some risks!

So there we go, another sermon that’s so applicable to my situation – so hard hitting – hitting me right between the eyes…more than once.

Essentially there’s not enough risk in the world – people move forward until they reach their ‘comfortable’ point and then they turn around and head back  in the opposite direction – the ‘safe’ direction. So they don’t progress, but rather, just remain rooted in one position. But how can we know it’s really that safe if we haven’t actually moved beyond that point to have a look at what’s on the other side?

I’ve been living a safe life up until now – constantly reaching the point of change but choosing (both consciously and subconsciously) to turn around and head back to what I know, what I’m familiar with – my safe haven. But not anymore – falling in love with GH pushed me beyond the point I normally avoid; it gave me the dertermination and courage to peek over the wall and attempt to see what could possibly be waiting for me on the other side. Did I see anything? – No. So do I know what’s on the other side? – No. Do I want to turn around and head back to my safe haven? – No. If I don’t push forward, I’ll be making what I believe to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life – even if things don’t work out the way I’d like them to, at least I’ll know I took a stand for my own life and embraced Risk.

“You can’t discover new oceans unless you have the courage to leave the shore.”

This is the only shore I’ve ever known – it’s familiar; it’s day in and day out; it’s year in and year out – and it could easily become the rest of my life – playing it safe, keeping it in the box, treading lightly – but I’m choosing to live differently; choosing to jump out of the plane with a parachute, not knowing whether or not it will work.

It’s taken 27 years to reach this point; to muster up the courage; to realise and accept that even if things don’t work out, it’s still Ok; and God brought this revelation to me in the most beautiful form possible – Love.