Monthly Archives: November 2010

Frustration, it’s my middle name

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I’m not an eternally optimistic person – unfortunately there’s some negative thinking patterns that I’m still trying to change, and it’s a process. This makes the situation I’m in at the moment a little more frustrating and difficult. I cannot tell you how many times in the past few days alone I’ve simply closed my eyes, turned my head skywards and asked, “Why God?”

I think things may be a teeeeeny weeeeeny bit easier if we had a glimpse of how things were going to work out, don’t you think? Imagine being able to select 3 areas of your life that you want assurance in – and being given that assurance – opening your email and receiving 3 timelines detailing how those areas will pan out and what you need to do in the meantime.What areas would you choose to know more about?

I’m becoming increasingly agitated and frustrated. I’ve sent my CV out to more than 40 institutions and have had no positive comebacks. I know I’m a hard worker, I know I’d be an asset to any company – but that has no bearing in anything right now. Part of the problem is also that I’ve always been an overachiever – certain things have come easy to me – but now reality’s dealing me a hard blow and I’m having to learn things I’ve not learned yet. I’m learning about patience; trust; belief; friendship; steadfastness…and that the world operates in a totally different manner to what it should.

Coupled with this is the frustration of dealing with legal departments that simply don’t want to help you. It’s like asking whether this is an apple or a pear and being told, “yes”. Yes what?! (And it always turns out to be a banana in the end…).

Crazy little thing

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Love certainly makes you feel funny things, do funny things, and say funny things. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve crossed the road without looking, purely because I was daydreaming about GH. Love should come with its own warning and user’s manual.

My love for GH makes me want to stand at the very top of Table Mountain and declare that I’ve finally found The One – and that I’m so incredibly happy and thankful. And just in case no-one hears me, I’ll have it written in the skies. And just in case no-one can read it, I’ll have it broadcast on all the major TV channels across the world. Well…at least…that’s what I can do when I’m daydreaming. For now, I just have to be content with telling people why I have a geeky smile on my face the whole time (because I love GH), or why I sometimes walk around with a teary face (because I miss him!).

You finally meet the love of your life and something as annoying as immigration law tries to keep you apart!

Just a thought

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I was on my way to church at about 5.30pm yesterday. The service was held at Cape Town’s International Convention Centre – and I noticed that the parking lot was the fullest I’d ever seen it. Then I remembered – the convention centre was hosting the annual Sexpo…unfortunately. The reason for the increased number of cars made sense.

Anyway, something struck me as a little odd for the first time, yesterday. I eventually found a parking spot and then walked hurriedly to the entrance because I wanted to get a good seat in the auditorium. On my way, a beggar asked for some money. He started off by saying, “You see lady, I want to buy something at the shops and all I have is R5…” but I didn’t let him finish – I know the drill by now. So I smiled, reached into my pocket and gave him whatever I had. He said thanks and proceeded to continue his conversation with one of his friends. And then I made a mental note, “Must remember to write that up in my budget.” And that’s what struck me as odd. I have to insert a row in my budget that details the money I’ve given to a beggar…what category do I put that under…miscellaneous? Giving? Beggars?

Homeless people are a reality that South Africans are faced with – to the extent that we don’t even really see them anymore. They become a part of life, part of the scenery, part of the things you just walk past…an irritation at times. And if you do notice them, your first reaction, generally, is “Argh no, please don’t let this guy ask me for something…” Another common reaction is, “If I give him money, will he just spend it on booze?”, or, “How do I know he’s going to use the money I give him properly? I just can’t trust him.”

And then I thought about how I’d managed to buy groceries the day before; I’d managed to purchase Christmas gifts for loved ones; I’d managed to purchase and send GH’s gift to him; I’d managed to buy a Chai Latté just because I felt like having one.

I’m by no means advocating giving every beggar money, or food, or whatever…but sometimes we really do need to stop and think. Just take a moment to step out of the ordinary so that we can open ourselves up to the extraordinary. I don’t know what that beggar did with the money, and I guess it really doesn’t matter – chances are great that I’d have spent that money on something needless.

In the greater scheme of things every little action has a reaction – and how much better would the world be if we made sure that every little action we take is a positive one – we need to start a positive domino effect in ourselves – regardless of what anyone says, regardless of the misconceptions we have in our minds, regardless of what society says and what society’s opinion is…it doesn’t even have to be financial – a smile can change someone’s day completely.

Matisyahu produced a song which I find very moving – and its lyrics sum up centuries of conflict and what seems like a simple solution…

One Day

sometimes I lay
under the moon
and thank God I’m breathing
then I pray
don’t take me soon
cause I am here for a reason
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day
it’s not about
win or lose
we all lose
when they feed on the souls of the innocent
blood drenched pavement
keep on moving though the waters stay raging
in this maze you can lose your way (your way)
it might drive you crazy but don’t let it faze you no way (no way)
sometimes in my tears I drown
but I never let it get me down
so when negativity surrounds
I know some day it’ll all turn around
because
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day
one day this all will change
treat people the same
stop with the violence
down with the hate
one day we’ll all be free
and proud to be
under the same sun
singing songs of freedom like
one day
all my life I’ve been waiting for
I’ve been praying for
for the people to say
that we don’t wanna fight no more
they’ll be no more wars
and our children will play
one day

Watching fish in German

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As soon as I’d decided I was moving to Berlin (which was pretty much 3 hours into my holiday there), I realised I’d have to learn to speak German. And let me tell you, it’s no mean feat.

I’ve been attending German classes for 9 weeks now and can say the basics – things like:

– “Hi, my name is blah blah.”

– “This is my mother. My mother’s name is Blah and she is 57 years old.”

– “I live in Cape Town and come from South Africa.”

– “I love you.”

– “I’m sorry.”

– “No, I don’t like blah.”

– “Duh!”

The only trouble is that I don’t have anyone to practice the language with, so needless to say I walk around the house speaking German to my two dogs. Surprisingly, their response isn’t to look on and listen with interest…no…instead, they leave the room, muttering “weirdoooo” under their breath. Perhaps they find the accent a little too harsh, I’m not sure?

Well, in my quest to learn the language and get my bootytoberlin, I’ve taken it upon myself to watch movies in German. Now look, I’m no fan of dubbing – especially when it’s not done properly – but a girl’s got to do what a girl’s got to do…and at the end of the day, it’s all about love, so who am I to argue!?

So this is what I’ll be watching this weekend:

Findet Nemo

Blegh Friday

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For some reason, I just cannot help but feel like these little dudies today….

Now there could be one of several things making me feel this way today:

(1) My heart’s sore because I miss GH incredibly *sniff*

(2) The person who sits in the cubicle next to me is blissfully unaware that I can hear her music through her earphones…and she keeps playing the same song over and over….and over again

(3) The person who sits in the cubicle behind me is munching away at her chips (“crisps” for those of you who don’t live in South Africa 😉 ), and she’s enjoying them so much that she’s chewing with her mouth open and I can hear every single crunch *cringe*

(4) The weird dude who sends me arb emails about, urm, nothing, is being weird

(5) It’s someone’s birthday today and he’s brought cake into the office for everyone to enjoy…but I can’t have any, and it’s my favourite type of cake

I think it’s all of these things that’s making me feel blegh! (Especially point numero uno!). But I shall attempt to rise above it all – embrace the fact that my neighbour in the next cubicle hasn’t realised she can listen to more than one song from an album; wish the other neighbour well in her endeavour to enter the Guinness Book of World Records for “The most noise made whilst consuming chips”; deal with the weird dude by being decidedly weird back – perhaps bite the heads of jelly babies off in front of him; and be grateful that I haven’t consumed cake because it means my bum won’t get big *score*!

As for my heart feeling sore – I can’t make that better…

On a more positive note – U2’s coming to South Africa next year. Although I’d have loved to see them, I didn’t manage to get a ticket and Cape Town in particular is abuzz with the news that they’ll be performing here – tickets for the Cape Town leg  of the 360° tour were sold out in 6 days….63,000 in 6 days…

I came across a very interesting and inspiring article about U2 frontman Bono this morning. Select the highlighted link “this article from World Magazine” from the following site:

http://christianity.about.com/b/2005/08/02/is-bono-of-u2-a-christian.htm

Biryani and Grilled chickennnn!

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One of the things I’ll definitely miss about Cape Town – the good Cape Town food! Food in this city is a culture in its own right.

Pictured here, some Biryani and Grilled Chicken:

The only solution is for me to learn how to make these dishes properly – which should be no problem at all 😉

All good things come to those…

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It’s difficult to plan things in life when uncertainty abounds. Yet, that’s what we have to do – we need to plan and we need to accept uncertainty. It’s a Catch 22 isn’t it?

The situation for me at the moment reduces my mind to a mess. The inner workings of my brain, if represented diagrammatically, would look a little something like this:

Essentially, I have to secure a job in Berlin (preferably as an English Teacher), and only then can I even think of applying for a Visa. The process for members of other countries is slightly easier as they’re allowed to apply for a Visa and look for a job from within Germany. However, because I’m a member of a non-EU country, I may only apply from within the borders of my country – this complicates matters.

It means that I have to apply for a job from South Africa and hope someone wants me badly enough so as to wait for me to then apply for the Visa, wait for it to be granted, then hop on to a plane, and start working.

So far I’ve done all I can do. I’ve sent my CV out to over 40 schools. Some have replied, saying I should come in for an interview (…urm…but I’m in South Africa…), and others have said they don’t have any vacancies at present but will keep my details on their system in case something pops up.

It’s this uncertainty – not knowing whether I’ll get that special call/e-mail that will make it possible for me to finally apply for a Visa – that makes this process so difficult. On the good days, I’m positive about it. On the bad days, I’m not.

But it’s a journey, isn’t it? And it’s a true test of faith.

“For the Lord your God fights for you, just as He has promised. So love the Lord your God.” – Joshua 23:9-10

It’s tough, but I’ve simply got to continue believing that He’s working something out for me, even if I can’t see it now…