My real-life rockstar

A friend of mine pointed something out to me tonight: I’m living smack-bang in the middle of a dream girls normally have…I’m the wife of a real-life rockstar. I don’t think that ever occurred to me…perhaps because I’ve been so concerned with what that means for me – late nights without my husband at my side; dinners alone; Saturdays spent alone while he’s rehearsing…I’ve focussed completely on the unglamorous part of it all.

Tonight Mani has a gig and it completely infuriates me that I cannot be there (as his number one groupie!), cheering him on, watching his performance with starry eyes, feeling like the most important girl in the crowd of many. But what’s made it easy to get through not being there to share this with him, are the random sms’s I received tonight in which he reminded me that at some point, he’d sing a song for me 🙂 (Yes…romantic, I know!) Whilst many girls merely dream of having someone in their life who can write a song that’s all about them, I actually have that guy! And tonight, he’ll sing the song he wrote with me in mind:

 Long Distance

Verse 1:
Ten Thousand Miles from here
confusing mind that cannot rest

She’s got the strength to rise
The voices, in her head won’t stop

Her heart’s been dragged through the mud
Compassion fills the space inside

The world is between us
Love devours all of our shame

Our souls – groan – for
breakthrough – falling in dismay
It’s all – wrong – when
bureaucracy just takes her away

Verse 2:
3000 days apart
yet somehow we are of one heart

3000 lies will steal
a wounded soul takes time to heal

Chorus:
Long Distance, far apart
she’s left with a bleeding heart

Long distance, anxious mind
where truth is hard to find

Persistance in this trial
hold on for another while

Long distance, in this mess
When hope still carries rest

Bridge:
Oh she cries
When she’s alone
It’s just her and her weaknesses

Oh she’s crazy
My blue-eyed daisy
She will make it through

Verse 3
Her heart’s been dragged through the mud
Compassion fills the space inside

The world is between us
Love devours all of our shame

Our flame proclaims affections
haunting, it’s haunting me

Attachment, close affections and passion
haunting, haunting me.

Yip, indeed, I couldn’t have wished for a better partner in life…I guess I have to be someone’s crazy, blue-eyed daisy! 🙂

And there was more!

So the 23rd of January was my birthday, but I tell you what – as the week progressed, I was more and more blessed!

Firstly, I was treated to all-you-can-stuff-in-your-mouth sushi with my friend Susan – something which made my heart skip a joyous beat, because – I LOVE SUSHI! 😀

This rather fuzzy picture is just a sample of my first plate of glorious sushi (and there were two other plates that followed. Though..I have to mention, I couldn’t get through the third!) But not only did Susan bless me with one of my favourite meals – nope – she also gave me this!…

A lovely, lovely, lovely necklace with a lovely, lovely, lovely cross on it! 🙂 I remember us discussing the fact that I’ve always wanted a necklace with a cross, and she remembered that conversation and decided to make my wish come true! Thank you Susan!

So that was Tuesday – but it didn’t end there. Nope! I met up with my friend Lauren for a coffee-catch-up and after blessing me with an awesome hug (I miss those from her!), she blessed me with an exciting hamper!

Yes, how lucky can one girl get?! A hamper full of some things that just make me smiiiiiile! Chocolate, muffin mix, chocolate cookies, wasabi rice cake biscuits, pasta sauce, white chocolate coffee sachets, and a copy of Good Housekeeping (I reckon she purposefully included this last item as a way to get me off reading the You magazine!) Thank you La!

Then later in the afternoon, I received a notepad and purple pen from Karrie, much to my delight. I can’t add a photo of this, because it’s in my car and already has many, many scribbled notes on it! Thank you Karrie!

On Wednesday and Thursday evening, I went out to dinner with my (looney) friend Tara, from London, who’d been in Cape Town on business. The two of us crack one another up and it was lovely to be able to see her while she was visiting – there’s nothing quite like a good ol’ catch-up with a friend! Thank you Tara!

So yes, though Mr De Pro is still hanging around a bit – wanting to poke and prod me – I’ve been quite positive this week! I think what’s helped is the fact that I’ve avoided plonking my arse on the couch in an attempt to feel sorry for myself. And also – this week has just proven to me how important friends are and how they really can make such a difference to your circumstances, even if they don’t realise it… 🙂

Coffee, laughter and flowers

I think I’ve been avoiding posting anything on my blog for some time. Why? Because writing about stuff means you have to think about it, and sometimes, the stuff I end up writing about is stuff I don’t want to think about.

Generally my posts of late tend towards the melancholy side of the scale. That’s been another reason I’ve avoided writing.

But today I was challenged to write about 3 things that make me happy. And yes, this is a challenge for me – give me something depressing or complex to write about and I’ll fire away – but ask me to think about happy things, and I seem to struggle. It’s not right, I know…but I’m working on it – all I need is a little time.

Ok – so 3 things that make me happy. Here goes…

(1) Coffee in the morning

There really is just nothing like waking up to that first cup of good coffee. Even the thought of it excites me. In fact, sometimes I look forward to it so much that I just wish the hours would fly by until that very moment that I’m holding that steaming mug of coffee between my two hands 🙂 Addict? Nope…not an addict – I simply enjoy it!

(2) Making people laugh

Sure ok, I know what you’re thinking. I pretty much spent the first few lines of this post explaining that I tend towards melancholy – and now I’m saying that one of the things that makes me happy is making others laugh – contradiction? Nope.

In fact, I’ve often found that those who suffer the most from depressive thoughts and moods, or who seem to struggle the most with sorrowful emotions, are the same people who can just give others one look, or say one thing, and have them burst out in laughter.

There’s something soul-satisfying about being the source of smiles and laughs – about being able to make people chuckle to the point of tummy ache and tears (good tears).

(3) Flowers

Let me clarify this – it’s not just the flowers that make me happy, but also, receiving flowers that puts a smile on my face. In fact, Mani recently bought me a bunch of flowers, and my heart did a happy-flip in my chest. I don’t know what it is about receiving flowers that makes me happy – but they work! And I just cannot get enough of them – I often find myself standing in the kitchen near the spot where I always place flowers, and staring at them…just staring. And then I turn to walk away, but look back and stare a little more. And all the while, the smile on my face gets bigger.

And so there you have it – 3 things that make me happy. There are other things that make me happy too, for sure, but these 3 were the first that came to mind 🙂

What’s next?!

My posts have been somewhat dark lately, I know, but I’m not going to apologise for it. If you’re one of those people who’s always in a good mood – then good for you. But I’m certainly not, and my blog really is a reflection of things I’m experiencing and feelings I’m feeling. However, I do know that my previous posts were far more upbeat, and since I’m feeling better lately, I’m better able to bring in the ‘lighter side’ of life again.

So with that, comes a ‘lighter’ post – about automatic flushing toilets. Yes.

Look – technology is great. Just the other day I was thinking back to when CDs were first the ‘in thing’ – I was so excited about it that I rushed out (like 90% of the world’s population) and purchased one of these ‘CD thingies’. (I don’t think 90% of the population chose the CD I did though….Los del Rio’s ‘Macarena’…I’m ashamed to admit it…and I’m even more ashamed to admit that to this day, I still know how to do the Macarena dance…). Then after CDs, it was DVDs, and then Facebook happened somewhere in between, and mobile phones got smaller, and then bigger again, and touch screens became the in-thing…and it’s all just been a flurry of technological advances. But automatic flushing toilets…no, surely not.

I can understand that the idea of a toilet that flushes automatically would be good – especially for lazy people who don’t want to waste energy turning around and pulling the flush lever (because really, it uses so much energy…not) – but I have proof, in the form of first-hand experience, that this novel idea isn’t so novel after all. Let me explain…I happened to be in a shopping mall this past weekend, and after spending 7 hours in a hairdresser’s chair, trying to sort my disastrous hair out (and after 5 cups of coffee), I needed a loo break. And it was whilst I was perched on the bathroom throne, enjoying the solace that only a bathroom can provide, that I realized the loo was flushing automatically. At first, I thought it impossible – that I was somehow imagining things. But then it happened a second time. And it left me speechless, feeling robbed of my right to flush a loo when I feel I’m ready to! And as I sat there in the cubicle, with my mouth hanging open – feeling completely stupefied, I just thought – what has the world come to? Now we have to fear toilets that tell US when THEY think we’re done? No, surely not?!

As I left the bathroom (after washing my hands using an automatic soap dispenser!), I heard two ladies laughing…in a shocked sort of way…and talking about the fact that they’d gotten the fright of their lives when their toilets flushed automatically…twice…

This experience has made me wonder…what’s next?!

An oasis in the midst of a desert

A part of me is hesitant to write this new post, because what I’m going to write about may change in a few days’ time…or it may not. Let’s just move forward pretending it won’t change 🙂

It’s been a week to the day that I really started coming out of my self-imposed (and very confusing) desert. And let me tell you, it feels…well, ‘good’ doesn’t really do the feeling any justice…it feels amazing! It feels as if I’ve been given some release from a dead weight that was tied around my neck. At times, I really didn’t know if I’d pull through – remain strong enough to hold my head high, even in the moments when I seemed to be crumpling down to the floor in a shameful heap. But I’ve started to feel like myself again and this week has brought more laughs than tears – something I’ve missed!

But the experience has taugh me is teaching me many things. I’m being forced to hold on to God and be completely reliant on Him – something I’ve never completely done before, because I always tried to maintain control. The experience is also teaching me a lot about myself – it’s teaching me that I’ve lived too long with a very wrong (and imprisoning) kind of thinking; I’m quick to react before I stop to think; I dream up situations and circumstances in my head that never really come to pass (and they’re generally more negative than positive)…

Those are just a few things I’m learning and the process isn’t over – there’s still a lot more I need to learn. But hopefully I’ve reached the oasis in the middle of my desert – and I can stop, kneel down and take a drink of refreshing water before resuming my journey.

Nothing will be in vain 🙂

An upside-down frown

I’m currently reading three books, (1) Battlefield of the Mind – Joyce Meyer, (2) Living Beyond Your Feelings – Joyce Meyer, and (3) Splashes of Joy in the Cesspools of Life – Barbara Johnson. (Notice a pattern?)

Anyway, I’m reading these books in an attempt to be proactive…because…the best thing to do when you hit a pothole in life is to remain proactive and attempt to move out of the pothole in first gear (and then subsequently increase your gear change as you continue down the road…but I’m still in the pothole – though closer to getting out than I was before…but I digress!)

These books are extremely helpful and I’d be the first to recommend them to anyone. A main theme that runs through all three books is the theme of attitude and choice and how we need to choose how we feel, react, think, etc. Easier said than done, I know – but it works (even though it’s a slow process – reprogramming the mind isn’t something that happens in the blink of an eye – if only!) Now with choosing your attitude and reactions and thoughts, comes the act of choosing to smile. This is something I’ve known about for a long time – before reading these books – and it’s something that really does work as well. I’m not sure what it is about the act of smiling that makes it so effective, but it really does help. In fact, there are some interesting facts about the effect of a smile.

It is a challenge and it’s not easy. As humans, we prefer to frown or give a half-hearted smile, but once we realise the power of the upside-down frown, things really can get a little lighter. (Though here I’d ask my friends and family please not to hold this blog post again me when next I frown…).

So the next time someone gives you a smile and you think they’re completely crazy because there’s really nothing to smile about…just think – they may be feeling completely differently on the inside, but choosing to overcome that…

A smile is like tight underwear – it makes your cheeks go up.  ~Author Unknown

But it’s all about me…right?

There’s something innately selfish about human beings. It’s a trait I’ve recently come to realize exists automatically and it’s something I don’t like very much – even though I fall victim to it quite often.

If this one factor were to be removed from our words, our actions, our decisions…I’m sure we’d find things to be so much easier – not that its removal is the solution to all our problems…no, not at all, but it sure would go a long way to making our stay on earth a little nicer! Selfishness seems to be the root of so many bad things – envy, jealousy, anger, annoyance, harsh words, harsh actions…to list just a few. I guess it’s ‘comfortable’ for us to function from a place of selfishness, where it’s all about ‘me and my situation…what I want’ – but it’s not really ideal I don’t think.

My challenge for myself this week (as if I really need another one?!), is to attempt to function outside of my selfishness – to pack it in a sealed box and place it on the shelf. (Will I succeed with my challenge…urm, I don’t know! We’ll see what the results are at the end of the week!)

Just another Cowboy stand-off

I recently hit a huge speed-wobble that sent me tumbling down a self-imposed mountain. Yes, this sentence is a little wordy, but really, it’s the best way I can describe what’s happened.

I’ve always known I have the tendancy to be rather stressed out or nervous…or anxious, but I was only really confronted with the full force of this part of my personality in the last two months. And one thing’s for sure – it’s scary!

It seems that lately I perceive the simplest of things to be a huuuuge obstacle – something to run away from or try to avoid. Something small can set my anxiety off to the point of tears – and I don’t mean little miniature monkey tears…no, I mean huge crocodile tears – the type that makes your entire body convulse. And not only tears – ooooh no – but also a racing heart and dry mouth. There are days when I walk around with that feeling in my chest that you normally get when you’re about to write a major exam…know that feeling? Yeah, now imagine walking around with it for an entire day. Nice? Nope!

But I’m having to deal with this new monster in my life – Mr Anxiety. Instead of letting him freak me out (is it possible to be more freaked out than what I am these days?! 🙂 ), I have to face him head on…you know….cowboy style – stand up straight, shoulders in the correct position, head held high, eyes glaring at him, ready to draw my gun. This stand-off isn’t pleasant, that’s for sure – but I’m hoping it leads to a day where I can stand over Mr Anxiety, as he’s laying on the dusty ground, and shake my head with pity…staring at him until he breathes his last breath.

It just sucks though, that I have to go through this – sometimes it makes me feel like somewhat of an incomplete Carmen. But then I just have to remind myself that everyone has a monster – mine may be Mr Anxiety – but for others it could be something totally different. And who’s to say I’m experiencing the worst kind of monster?

Anyway – what makes it easier isn’t only my resolve to make this monster fall, but also, I have a great support system. Were it not for the angels in my life, I think my outlook would be veeeeery different…

GH and a simple melody

I’ve been clearing things off my desk and computer at work – quite an odd process to be honest. It feels a little eerie removing things from this little cubicle that’s become ‘home’ for 8.5 hours a day over the last two years. But anyway, that’s for another post.

Whilst clearing things out, I stumbled across one of my favourite pictures of GH. Anyone who knows him will agree that this pic is just “so him”. And often when I look at it – once my heart has settled back into my chest (yes, GH has that effect on me) – I think to myself that this is how life should be – lying in the tall grass, at peace, listening to nature and a simple melody 🙂

Maintaining Insanity

I’m all for maintaining a healthy level of insanity – it’s a requirement…a basic human need. In fact, it should’ve been at the top of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

Follow some (or all) of these steps and you’re sure to have a fab day!

• At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hairdryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
• Page yourself over the intercom and don’t disguise your voice.
• Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that.
• Put Decaf in the coffee machine for 3 weeks. Once everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to Espresso.
• Skip down the hall rather than walk and see how many looks you get.
• Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
• Sing along at the Opera.
• 5 days in advance tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you have a headache.
• When your money comes out the ATM, scream “I won! I won!”
• When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives! They’re loose!!”
• Tell your children over dinner: “Due to the economy we’re going to have to let one of you go.”